Today, I was paid for something creative. Purely creative. I am used to getting paid for teaching others useful stuff. It’s kind of been my lens on making money. But today… what I provided didn’t need to be explained. And it felt free.
(see : the internet is wonderful)
These days, work feels like a constant battle to get taken seriously. I feel like I need to bring back each client by the back of the neck, and I need to deploy extreme measures just to... survive. I’m uncomfortable with this whole situation.
So this project: someone reaching out to me for my specific creative voice. It landed like a clue.
The second big one in a series of clues, actually. Clues that are knocking on a door I was consciously keeping closed.
I’ve always been a creative. I mean, I sing, I write songs, I paint, I write, I played on stage, and even wrote some plays when I was younger... Yeah, I can say I’m a creative person. But I never allowed myself to think I could be a creative person for real, professionally (nuance there is needed, but let’s go with the flow).
This is purely economical. I’ve heard it’s hard being a creative, I’ve heard hardly anyone makes it, I’ve heard it’s a life of scraping by. So I have never entertained the idea fully.
Instead, I’ve mostly made a living as the next best thing : a teacher (and all related titles of consultants, coach, tutor and so on). Obviously getting bored with it all every 3 years or so, and throwing it all back on its head to become another KIND of teacher everytime.
You can’t say either that I’m fully following the script. I mean, making money on the internet is very edgy in my neck of the northern french plains. But it’s not about HOW I make money. It’s about how I ACT about the whole thing.
(see : what i did)
I finally put it into words this week : I’ve been acting like a good student trying to get a diploma, instead of the creative adult that I am.
I’ve been following scripts still. Clicking on too much ‘here are the definite rules of how to be successful’. Thinking things need to be a certain way because... because that’s how other people do it. There’s some good in that, but mostly, I’ve played it like I was going to be graded at the end of the term.
Gotta add a little pixie magic dust into it all. Bring some FUN and PLAY into it. And this ties back to my current obsession about fucking format (fuck format), and how to do more while doing less. It’s tying back with all my past 6-month of ideas about :
- what it means to live a creative life
- leaving the script of analytics and algorithm behind
- even my book Organons is about this
It's all pushing me to just.... stop following what 'you need to do to have success', and just do what feels right. Becoming the creative ADULT that I am.
Now that I think about it, even my song Rubicon is about this. lol
Oh what doofus I am, I've been trying to tell myself this stuff since forever.... Ok I'm listening now.